


S7 E7 The Debate

by JDPostEpisodeChallenge



Series: Josh & Donna Post Episode Challenge [53]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 11:16:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18991564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JDPostEpisodeChallenge/pseuds/JDPostEpisodeChallenge
Summary: A controversial topic leads to a conversation





	1. The Ad

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod." Donna keens to herself, rocking slightly as she watches the attack ad playing on the screen. She feels like she's been punched in the gut. Yes, she briefly considered the possibility that her "secret" could come out if she read the statement. But a part of her figured that after all these years, she was safe. And it had been a chance she'd been willing to take when Lou offered her the opportunity to come to headquarters and play a bigger part in the campaign.

That doesn't make this hurt any less.

It was her body. Her choice. And it should be private.

But now it's not. She can't help but wonder what happens next.

Will Santos ship her back to no man's land? Will her Mother disown her? Will some nut job try to make an example out of her?

Lou picks up the remote and flips the channel. The Ad has already made the news.

"Neither party has commented on a campaign ad that started running today. Last week the Santos campaign called an ad asserting that he was for abortion without limits a distortion. This week the Committee for the Integrity of LIfe unleashed a new ad, revealing that Santos' spokesperson Donna Moss had an abortion when she was 24. The ad suggests that Ms. Moss's abortion is an example of Santos' 'without limits position,' but doesn't provide any details regarding Ms. Moss's circumstances at the time."

It feels like every set of eyes in the room is on her. But there's only one that she cares about. And when she looks up into them and sees how furious he looks, she can't stop herself from running out of the room. She just needs a few minutes to regroup.

Josh has to fight back the instinct to chase after her. Second only to the desire to comfort her is the desire to avenge her. He wants to burn something down. The other side just crossed a line that not one Republican that's met him has ever been brave enough to cross. They just targeted Donna. Someone's going to pay.

While he stands there seething, Edie makes eye contact with Lou. She tilts her head towards Josh as if to say, "you take care of that one. I'll get the other." And then she quietly leaves the room.

As she's walking down the hall, she takes a minute to do the math. How old was Donna when she started working for Josh? She's heard the rumors and she can't help but wonder. Is there any chance it was his? She hopes to God not. This is already a can of worms they shouldn't have to deal with.

She finds Donna at the end of the hall, hugging herself and staring out a window.

"Hey, there." Edie offers quietly, even though she's pretty sure Donna can see her reflection in the window. "How ya doin'?"

"Oh, I've had better days."

"Yeah. I bet."

"But you know what? I've had worse days too."

"Well. That's something, I guess." Edie's not sure what to say. Donna isn't weeping broken heartedly. She doesn't seem to need the comfort Edie came to offer.

Donna turns and looks at her. "I suppose I should rejoin the group. We probably need to strategize. To figure out how much of a liability I am and what to do next."

Edie doesn't know Donna well. She's only been with the campaign a week. Lou told her of possible problems with Josh. Some sort of lover's spat, Lou had suspected even though they both denied it. Edie usually didn't pay much attention to rumors, but there was no denying the tension between the two of them. And she'd never seen Josh look at anyone the way he looks at Donna. Following her with his eyes, a wounded look in them. At first she'd been worried, They need Josh at 100% if they were going to have a chance. If Donna's presence was going to be a distraction, she planned to have Lou do something. But it turned out that Josh had settled down right away. Donna seemed to know the right questions to ask him. And just her presence seemed to bring out the best in him. So Edie had liked Donna for that reason alone.

But now, watching the young woman straighten her shoulders and lift her head, Edie admired her all the more. It was apparent that Donna wasn't going to hide in a corner whimpering. She looked like a woman ready to face a giant.

And Edie made the decision then and there, she'd have her back.

When they reenter the bullpen, they see Lou and Josh in a glass walled conference room. He's pacing, and making wild hand motions.

Edie hears Donna draw a deep breath, then she sees her stride forward. Edie falls into step beside her.

As soon as Donna opens the door, the conversation between Josh and Lou stops. Donna walks in and pulls out a chair. Then she sits, looks between the two of them, and boldly declares, "Well, don't stop on my account."

Lou suddenly cracks a smile, and again, Edie's estimation of Donna skyrockets.

"I really hate to do this to you, Donna, because this is nobody's damn business. But I do have some questions if you are willing."

"Of course. Go ahead."

Lou nods and takes the seat across from Donna. Josh looks torn. Edie widens her eyes at him then nods at the seat next to Lou, as she takes the seat next to Donna.

Once they are all settled, Lou reaches for a pen and a pad of paper.

"First of all, did you have an abortion when you were 24?"

"Yes."

Donna feels like she's being interrogated, and her experience with the Congressional Committee comes flooding back. Only answer the question you were asked. Don't offer any additional information.

"Do you mind telling us the circumstances?"

"No."

There is a short pause, then Lou speaks again.

"No, you won't tell us or no you don't mind?"

She's trying to be careful, but tact isn't her strong suit. And Josh is already a loose cannon. She doesn't usually care about getting on his bad side, but she doesn't want to be fighting this battle on two fronts.

"No, I don't mind telling you." Donna offers, and then pauses for a long moment.

Lou is wondering what to do when Donna finally starts speaking.

"After my Sophomore year I dropped out of college. My boyfriend had just finished medical school. The idea was we'd move in together and I'd support him through residency, then I'd go back to school and he'd support me and I'd finish my degree."

"How'd that go?" Lou asks tersely, already annoyed at the unnamed boyfriend. Josh's mouth has formed a grim line too.

"Dr. Freeride." He mutters, scowling.

And to everyone's amazement, Donna smiles slightly.

"The first couple years were fine. We were in love. We both worked a ton of hours but I loved coming home to him. I loved playing house. I felt grown up. I expected a proposal, but it never came. Then another year passed and we felt more like roommates than a couple. And then one day, when he was almost done with his residency, he came home and said he didn't love me anymore. I asked him if there was someone else. And he claimed there wasn't, but I wasn't really sure. The apartment was in his name and he said he'd like for me to move out as soon as possible. I was a little stunned, but I can't say I was completely shocked. An it hurt, but I wasn't devastated. That's when I realized that I didn't love him anymore either. So I spent a few days packing up my things, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I'd been hearing Bartlet for America ads on the radio, and suddenly it hit me. I wanted to help him become President! So I drove to New Hampshire to join the campaign."

Lou and Edie are hanging on Donna's story. Neither wants to cut her off and ask any questions, but neither of them really like where this seems to be heading. Edie, especially, is watching Josh across the table. His jaw is clenched and his eyes are blazing.

But then Donna breaks eye contact with Lou and gives Josh a gentle smile. "I tricked Josh into hiring me."

His face softens for a moment. And Edie is dying to ask how that happened. But Donna's has gone back to telling her story.

"I hit the campaign trial with them. It was amazing. But about 8 weeks in, I realized I'd missed two periods. So I took a pregnancy test and I got 2 lines. I felt so stupid. Here I wanted a whole new life, but the old one was suddenly not over. I spent a couple days trying to decide what to do. I knew what my parents would want me to do- get married. So I quit the campaign and I went home."

Edie and Lou both breath small, unnoticeable sighs of relief as they figure out that Donna was already pregnant when she joined the campaign. Under the table, Josh's hands form into fists. His nostrils flare, but he bites his tongue. Donna doesn't take her eyes off Lou, but she seems very aware of Josh's body language.

"The closer I got to home, the more I regretted my decision. By the time, I got to Madison I just told my parents I was there for a visit. The next day I made an appointment at a clinic. And then I met up with my ex. He made a half-hearted proposal. He was a Republican, family values, yada, yada. But he looked relieved when I turned him down. I knew that we didn't love each other anymore. I didn't want to be married to him. And most of all, I didn't want to be pregnant. I wanted to go back to the campaign. I wanted to help Jed Bartlet get elected. Dr. Freeride agreed to take me to the appointment, and he let me recover at his place for a couple days. Then I drove back to New Hampshire."

"The bandage on your ankle?" Josh spits out.

Edie and Lou watch as Donna blushes for the first time in telling her story. When she answers her voice is softer. "A late thaw. I really did slip and fall."

"Not a car accident?" Josh's voice is hard. Edie and Lou look at each other in confusion. But Donna lifts her head and answers him in a strong clear voice.

"No."

He nods his head twice. His lips still a thin line. No one says anything for a minute. Finally, Edie breaks the ice.

"We're the pro-choice party."

"But we can't let that Ad go unanswered." Lou responds. "If nothing else, it's free media. But the question is how to spin it to our advantage."

Donna doesn't say anything. She doesn't want to be in the news at all. She doesn't want to have to explain anything. She doesn't want to be "spun." But most of all, she doesn't want to hurt the campaign.

Finally, Josh stands up. "We need to talk to the Congressman."


	2. The Campaign

Donna felt a little sick to her stomach as they all headed over to the office where the Congressman was holed up for a few hours. Just her luck that he happened to be in town for another DCCC gala just when the news broke.

She liked Matt Santos and she' actually had some good conversations with him. Josh had definitely picked the right candidate and more than once during the primaries she'd been jealous. But this felt like getting called to the principal's office. Even though she knew in her heart she'd done nothing wrong, it took all her fortitude to remind herself to hold her head up high.

When they were almost to the door, Josh gently touched her arm. "Are you okay?" He asked under his breath. Donna's heart beat violently for a minute, as old feelings rushed over her, reminding her of all the times that Josh had looked out for her when no one noticed.

"I'm fine." She answered gruffly. She couldn't afford to feel vulnerable right now. She needed to maintain her control. Her dignity. No matter what happened next she wanted to be proud of how she'd handled herself.

Over the course of the last 8 years, every time they'd worked on an abortion issue, she'd asked her self if this was the time her secret would come out. She'd actually rehearsed in her mind what she'd say if anyone had ever asked. Along ago she'd resolved to own her decision. She owed it to herself and she owed it to the women who had paved the way for her reproductive rights. And she intended help pave the way for those to follow.

Now her time had come, she would stand tall. She would be bold. She would speak confidently. She cleared her throat and repeated herself.

"I'm fine. But thanks for asking." This time her voice was strong.

Josh held the door open for her, and as she walks by his hand brushes the small of her back. He snatches it back, unusually aware of what he did, and concerned, for once that this is not the time or place for such familiarities. And also concerned that they aren't welcome. He just doesn't know what to do with this new version of Donna. While he's so proud of how much she's grown, a part of him still longs for the girl in Germany who woke up calling his name.

"Congressman . . . we have a problem." Lou breaks the ice without preamble as soon as Josh and Donna join them in the office.

"What?" She asks at Josh's glare. The man is confounding! He seems to be alternating between concern and anger. And she has no idea exactly what he's upset about. Not that she really cares about Josh's feelings! They have a campaign to manage, and in a campaign THIS is a problem.

"It's not necessarily a problem." Edie breaks in softly, still feeling defensive of Donna, and trying to negotiate some peace between Lou and Josh.

"I had an abortion." Donna announces to the Congressman, leaving everyone speechless.

"It wasn't mine." Matt quips. While everyone else's jaws fall open, Donna actually chuckles, prompting Matt to continue. "It wasn't Josh's was it?" He asks in the same humorous tone.

"SIR!" Josh sputters turning red and actually taking a step forward fists clenched. For just a second, Lou is actually afraid that Josh might punch the Congressman in the face.

"I'm sorry." Matt quickly backtracks. "Helen always tells me I don't know when to stop when I think I'm being funny."

Matt carefully looks around the room. He definitely misjudged the nature of his audience. Now instead of laughing with him, Donna is sort of pale. Oh god, the thought hits him, could he have been a little too accurate?

"I really am sorry,"he offers sincerely. "It was just a joke. I was trying to lighten the mood."

Josh takes a deep breath and nods. "Okay. Let's take a seat and work out a strategy."

As they find their seats, Lou jumps back into problem-solving mode. She looks at the Congressman. "First of all. Have you seen the ad?"

"No. I haven't really had time for television these days. I only see what you show me."

"Okay. We'll get a tape in here so you know what we're talking about."

"No." Josh breaks in. "Donna doesn't need to watch that again." He turns to the Congressman. "It's an attack ad. They're using Donna's past to try to argue that you really are for abortions without limits, even though one has nothing to do with the other! It's just more partisan politics and I think it's time to take the gloves off. We need to hit them with everything we've got!" His voice gets harder and harder until he's practically seething.

"Josh, Josh. This isn't really any different than last week. You didn't want to go negative then."

"THIS IS DIFFERENT!"

Three sets of eyes look at him in confusion. "What's different?" Edie asks gently, while Lou starts to smirk as she makes eye contact with Matt, and they reach the conclusion at the same time. The difference is Donna.

"Nevermind." Josh mumbles. "I thought YOU wanted to go negative." He shoots at Lou.

"Well, that IS a possibility. But we've lost the ability to draw first blood now. And honestly- I'm sorry, Donna- but, I'm not sure that this ad hurts us all that much. This gives us another opportunity to make a statement and get some free media coverage." Lou goes on, thinking aloud. "Donna could make a statement, tell her story. Maybe play up some sympathy? We'd want to leave out that working for the Bartlet campaign was a significant factor in her decision. Maybe focus on the fact that she thought her ex was cheating on her and that's why they broke up. Focus on her desire to finish her education."

"No." Donna breaks in and all eyes turn to her.

"I'm sorry, Congressman. I really want to help you win. But I don't want to lie about my story. AND I shouldn't have to justify my decision."

"She's right." Edie offers. "In the first trimester, a woman has a right to terminate a pregnancy for any reason, or no reason at all. She doesn't have to have some sort of sob story and she doesn't have to share what her reasons are. I think we focus on that. Keep it simple. Donna didn't do anything wrong."

It's quiet for a moment. And Donna can't help but wonder if they all agree with that last statement. She'd heard about Matt's personal view. He believes that life begins at conception. Was he judging her? Would he prefer not to have her working for him?

"I don't think Donna should be the spokesperson." Matt announces after a few awkward moments. Donna's heart sinks but she tries not to let it show.

She's not sure whether or not she was successful when Matt reaches over and pats the top of her hand.

"Just for this." He reassures her. "I think I should make a statement myself. I want to reiterate that I support a woman's right to choose. I want to say that Donna doesn't owe me, or anyone else an explanation. This was between her and her doctor. And then I want to hit them hard for dragging a private citizen's private life into the campaign!"

"Yes!" Lou rubs her hands together at the thought of finally getting to beat up on some Republicans. Josh nods in agreement.

"Donna, does that sound okay to you?" Matt asks kindly.

"Yes. Thank you."

"Do we know where they got this information?" Lou asks the room. "Is this a HIPAA violation? Could we use that as line of attack?"

Donna looks thoughtful. "I don't know. I can't imagine it being the clinic. But I've never told anyone. Not even my Mom. The other than the clinic and me, the only other person that knew was . . . "

"Dr. Freeride." Josh seethes as he suddenly stands, shoving his hands into his pockets and rocking forward on the balls of his feet with his jaw clenched. He'd been doing his best to remain somewhat even keeled about this whole situation, but he was nearing his limit. "I'll kill him …"

"Josh!" Lou admonishes him. "The last thing we need here is for you to create a whole new story."

Josh says nothing, nodding slightly and taking a deep breath through gritted teeth and redirecting his focus out the window. He steps backwards in a move that most everyone in the room acknowledges as him allowing Lou to continue leading the charge, but Donna sees it for what it is. He needs to put his back against the wall.

"Alright." Matt announces, deciding that the rest of this conversation could occur without him, "I've got other things to focus on right now. Lou, Edie, Donna- go work on a statement for me. Josh, hold back a minute."

Once the others are out of the room, he gives Josh an appraising look. "You alright?"

"I'm fine, sir."

"You seem kind of tense."

"This whole thing really pisses me off!"

"Yeah, I got that impression. Do you want to let her go? You are the campaign manager."

"NO! I'm not mad at her. I just . . . I should have protected her. I shouldn't have let this happen to her."

And there it was. Matt thought to himself. The crux of the problem. His campaign manager had feelings for his spokesperson. Helen would be pleased when he told her she was right. But for now, he needed to manage Josh.

"Josh, there's nothing you could have done. She was in the spotlight."

"I could have kept her out of the spotlight."

"Well, something tells me that she wouldn't have thought that you were doing her any favors if you had."

"No. Probably not." Josh admits reluctantly, even as he realizes that maybe this is what Donna was screaming at him about in the hotel room last week.

"She's a strong woman, Josh. She can handle this. But, make sure she knows that we've got her back, okay? Now, go on. Get something done, would you?"

"Yes, sir."

With that Josh leaves the office. He's tempted to go find the ladies and help with the statement, but if he's honest with himself, they probably don't need his assistance, and it's probably better if he takes a step back.


	3. The Sisterhood

Typically Josh finds himself alone in the office on Sunday mornings. He watches the morning shows on several televisions in relative peace, while getting as much work done as possible. But this wasn't a typical morning, and he wasn't alone.

"The point," Amy broke through the ongoing commentary with force, "is that her decision does not require an explanation to the American people. It was a choice made by an adult woman acting well within her rights and frankly I'm appalled that the story here isn't the blatant invasion of privacy of a campaign staffer by the media. Tell me, Chuck, when was last time you saw your general practitioner and what was it for? Before you judge Ms. Moss I'd appreciate you releasing a list of all prescription medications that you're currently taking."

"This is hardly a routine procedure, Ms. Gardener," the moderator interrupted, looking to get back to the debate at hand, and stoking the fire while he was at it. "Surely even you can admit that."

"This procedure has been legal since 1973. The Supreme Court has affirmed time and time again that a woman has the right to an abortion in the first trimester. Ms. Moss was perfectly within her rights. And, I'd like to remind you again that the decision was between Ms. Moss and her physician and at no point in time was the press corps invited into the exam room." Amy was just getting warmed up, but she was cut off before she could continue.

"You're sanctioning murder. The baby has a heartbeat between 4-6 weeks." Mary Marsh broke in without preamble. The woman, for all of her flaws, knew her talking points cold.

Donna could see the fire blaze in Amy's eyes.

"At that stage of gestation, sometimes there is electric activity in the fetal pole. That's not the same thing as a heartbeat. And there isn't a "baby." The termination of a pregnancy isn't murder simply because it's being demonized for publicity by the far right. It's a medical procedure that, quite frankly, has saved the lives of many women in this country."

"Are you saying that Ms. Moss's life was in danger?!" Mary shouted out, with a gleam in her eye that suggested to Amy that Mary knew that it hadn't been the case.

"I'm not going to comment on Ms. Moss's personal situation except to remind viewers that absent a gross violation of HIPPA regulations, none of us knows what Ms. Moss's situation was unless she chooses tell, and there is no reason she should have to. But I can tell you that I have known several woman who have exercised their right to obtain an abortion. Each and every time it was a decision that wasn't entered into lightly."

Mary shouts out again. "Selfish! Women who are committing the sin of fornication, then compounding it with murder. They could give those babies up for adoption if they are too self absorbed to raise them."

Donna's heart gives a little hitch. It's not the first time she'd heard this accusation, and she knows it won't be the last. Truthfully, there have been few sleepless nights where she wondered if she was just selfish. And though she knew she'd made the right decision for herself, and she didn't regret the decision that she made, it didn't mean the accusations didn't sting.

Donna watched as Amy, smooths her hands over her pants, recognizing the action as one Amy takes when what she'd really like to do is strangle the person she's talking to.

"Of course, adoption is a choice, but it's a choice that requires a woman to continue with the pregnancy, and that's not something we have the right to force on anyone due to our own moral convictions. A woman's right to choose is just that- her right to choose. Being a pro-choice advocate means I support the women who chose abortion. I support the women who choose adoption. And I support the women who chose to have a child and raise that child alone. In fact, I support them so much that I advocate for better prenatal care for those women. I advocate for better healthcare for those babies. I advocate for better education for those children. Because unlike you, I'm not just pro-birth! I'm pro-woman."

"YEAH!" The conference room bursts into cheers.

Though they hadn't always been the best of friends, at least Amy and Donna could see eye to eye on this topic. Donna made a mental note to thank Amy next time she saw her.

Just as the moderator segwayed to a commercial break, Donna's phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Well it's a good day to have her on our side," CJ announced without preamble, clearly watching the same network program.

"CJ! It's good to hear your voice."

"I'm sorry I didn't call yesterday. I meant to but the day got away from me. I'm sorry I'm a terrible friend."

"You're not a terrible friend. It's okay, I understand. And it turns out a lot of people are lining up to have my back."

"I see that. Including, Amy of all people!"

"You know, I never had that big of a problem with Amy."

"Donna . . ."

"No. Seriously. She's a huge advocate for women. She stands by her convictions. And she isn't afraid to speak truth to power. So of course, everyone hates her and she gets labeled a bitch. If a guy does that he's a freaking rock star."

"Don't I know it."

"And sometimes we're just as bad. Instead of having each other's backs we tear each other down. I don't want to be like that anymore."

"Me neither."

"You know CJ, I don't know if I've ever told you this or not- but you are doing a kickass job. You deserved that promotion and you've proven yourself a hundred times. And if you ever need a pep talk- I'm only a phone call away."

"Sounds great. I might have to take you up on that. We really miss you around here. And Donna, when the campaign is over, sometime we can share a couple bottles of wine and talk if you want. You're not the only one who's gone through this you know."

"Thanks, CJ. Maybe we can even include Amy in that. A girl can never have too many friends, can she?"

"Damn straight. The Sisterhood has to stick together."

. . . . .

Donna's phone started ringing again the minute the Talk show ended. "Damn." She moaned half to herself as she started to get up. She knew this moment was coming. She was only surprised it had taken this long for it to arrive.

"Hello, Mother." She answered a bit meekly.

"Donnatella Moss. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Donna took a fortifying breath as she left the room, looking for a quiet place to deal with this. Even though it was obvious that her Mother wasn't going to pull any punches, she'd at least try to keep this a civil conversation.

"Well, I guess it depends on the question. If the question is have I been eating enough, the answer is yes. If the question is have I been sleeping enough, the answer is probably not."

Donna tried to keep her tone light, rather than accusatory, but the truth is, it bugged her a little that her Mother didn't even ask how she was doing.

"You've always been a smart alec, Donna!" Her Mother retorted. "The question is how could you have had an abortion, and why did I find out about it on TV?!"

Donna thought that this conversation was probably the only evidence she needed to cite to explain why she'd never told her mother. But mentioning that wouldn't help her goal of civility.

"I had an abortion because I didn't want to have Paul's baby."

"He would have married you! You could have been a Doctor's wife. He still lives nearby. Beautiful house, beautiful kids."

"That's not what I wanted."

"It doesn't matter what you wanted! You shacked up with him. You got pregnant. You should have done the right thing."

"I didn't do anything wrong, Mom."

"Abortion is murder!"

"I don't believe that." Donna responds quietly.

They both wait a few moments to see if the other person would say anything. Donna's heart pounds, wondering if her Mom would go off on a fiery sermon. She didn't really want to hear all of Mary Marsh's talking points again.

Finally her Mom breaks the ice. "I guess I don't know you as well as I thought. I'm very disappointed in you."

Donna suppressed a wry chuckle. Her Mother was disappointed in her. It wasn't the first time she'd been told that. And as usual, Donna didn't really have a response. So she used work as a reason to end the conversation.

"Listen, Mom, I'm at the office. We have a lot to do, so I'm going to have to go. Give Daddy my love."

"Goodbye, Donna." Her tone had an air of finality to it.

"Bye Mom."

Donna slipped the phone back into her pocket and leaned back against the wall, closing her eyes and trying not to wonder if this could be the straw that broke the camel's back when it came to her relationship with her Mother. Could they move past this fundamental difference in ideology or would it always hang between them, coloring every moment for the rest of their lives?


	4. The Talk

When Donna didn’t come back to the conference room, Josh went looking for her. Watching Mary Marsh attack Donna, while he’d been helpless, had not been an easy task, but he knew it was probably easier than what Donna was going through on the phone.

He’d only met Donna’s Mom once, but he’d recognized her type right away. The woman was a special kind of self righteous and had lived with enough of a Rockwell-esq facade that she could pass off her life as close to perfect to those who didn’t know any better. Ever since meeting her, he’d been even more amazed at the person Donna had become, and even more glad that he’d given her the opportunity to join the Bartlet campaign all those years ago.

Watching Amy defend Donna had been oddly satisfying. He admired Amy. She scared the hell out of him most of the time, but he admired her. She really was a political powerhouse. But admiration wasn’t the same thing as love. And everything between he and Amy was a competition. They never would have worked long term. 

As he rounds the corner, he sees Donna, eyes closed, back against the wall.

His heart does a little flip in his chest. All he wants to do is gather her up in his arms and assure her that everything is going to be okay. It’s a feeling that he’s completely familiar with. Over the years there have been many moments like this. From the moment he met her, he’s wanted to nurture her, to give her a part of himself that he’s never wanted to give anyone else. For a while, at least, he thought that maybe someday he’d be able to. But now, he doesn’t know. 

It had become obvious to him that she didn’t need him to mentor her anymore. But he wondered if he had anything else to offer. And if he did, would she want it? 

“Hey,” he announced himself quietly, not wanting to startle her.

She opened her eyes and the hurt in them almost took his breath away. It raised something in him that wanted to lash out. Damn Republicans. Damn Mary Marsh. Damn Dr. Freeride. And Damn Josh Lyman, he thought with a depreciating dose of reality. He hadn’t given her what she needed and he hated himself for it.

“That was my Mom. She sends her love.” Donna responded with bitter sarcasm.

Josh’s mouth quirks up a little, appreciating that she wants to try to deal with this whole mess with humor. This whole time he’s wanted to do battle for her, to rescue her. But he’s starting to realize she doesn’t need to be saved. So he responds in the same tone.

“Well, I am one of her all time favorite people.” 

“I think you just moved up on the list.” Donna’s voice hitches a little. And at that Josh can’t resist the urge anymore.

He opens his arms, “C’mere.”

Donna’s eyes are filling with tears as she walks into his embrace, but she sniffles hard, refusing to let them fall. He holds her tightly, not wanting the moment to end, but not wanting to see her fall completely apart either. He’s so bad at this. He just doesn’t know what to do. So he just stands there, holding on. For as long as she needs.

A few minutes go by, then he feels her take a deep breath and step back. Her face is calm. She didn’t let go of her emotions. He gets it. He really does. But it makes him a bit sad, because he knows what holding everything in does to a person. So he decides to push a little, to see if she’ll open up to him. He leads her over to some chairs and they sit down. Then he clears his throat a little.

“Donna? Why didn’t you ever tell me? We’ve worked on legislation a ton of times. Did you think I’d judge you?”

“Do you remember pulling up to the hotel in Manchester? You told me that RU486 was being announced, and I said ‘Hallelujah!’ Do you remember what you said?” 

“Not really.”

“You said ‘somehow you think this means more sex for you’. . . . . You, a pro-choice guy, and generally a decent ally for women, you thought my enthusiasm was only about my pleasure-- my irresponsibility. An opportunity to have more sex without worrying about consequences. Never mind that RU486 is actually an advancement in medical care.”

She gives him an even stare. She doesn’t look angry. Just resigned.

“That’s why women don’t tell men. Even the best of you judge us in ways you don’t judge each other. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to ever have to explain myself to anybody about this. It was my choice. It was my right to make it and my right to keep it quiet.”

“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m sorry.” He really is. He never realized that he was making a judgment. Once again, Donna has taught him something. This is why he needs her. She makes him a better person.

“But you know what gets me the most?” As she asks him, he can hear the lingering sadness in her voice.

“No?”

“The suggestion that what I did proves that I’ll never be a good mother. That I’m too selfish. That’s the one that gets me. Because what if it’s true?”

“It’s not!” He answers vehemently, hoping that she doesn’t think that he thinks that. Then repeats himself a little more softly. “It’s not. You’d be a fantastic Mom. Someday I hope you get that chance.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah, I do.” He knows it’s true, because there’s no one else he’s ever wanted to have a kid with. For a second, he wants to tell her that he’d like to raise a child with her. To be a family. But it seems so wildly inappropriate in the moment that he bites his tongue. Just like he has many times before.

She gives him a bright smile, then stands up. “So, boss, what’s next?” She asks, ready to move on. But for once in his life, Josh doesn’t want to put politics first.

“Can I just be your friend, at least for a little longer?” He asks with a vulnerability he hasn’t shown her in years. “It’s Sunday afternoon. How about lunch?”

He’s rewarded with another smile. The kind that he hasn’t seen in quite some time. And when she answers, her tone is soft and teasing.

“You do owe me a salad.”

“Yes, I do, Gracie.” 

The nickname warms her heart. While she’s never figured out where they come from, they’ve always made her feel just a little special.

As Donna grabs her purse, Josh pokes his head back into the war room. “I’m going to lunch. No calls for an hour unless something is literally on fire.”

They slide into Josh’s car with an old familiarity. A comfortableness settles over them. But as they pull up to a red light, Josh takes the plunge and decides to ask the question that’s really been bugging him for the last 24 hours.

“Why did you lie to me about the car accident and him stopping for a beer?”

“Well, only the part about the car accident was a lie.”

“WHAT?”

“He dropped me off at the clinic for the appointment, and then he left. When the procedure was over, he wasn’t in the waiting room. So I called him to pick me up, and on the way, he stopped to have a beer with some friends.”

Josh is speechless. He’d thought the story was insane the first time he heard it. Now he’s seeing red.

But Donna’s gentle voice pulls him out of his anger. “The important part of the story was that I was trying to tell you that I chose you. I chose this. Life gave me two choices. I could have married Dr. Freeride. And maybe we would have been fine. Maybe it would have been a nice life. But it would have been settling for something I didn’t want. I chose the path that I wanted to be on. And I’ve never regretted it.”

Josh is relieved to hear her say the words. For the last 6 months, he’s wondered if she regretted coming to work for him in the first place, and the last 24 hours hasn’t really helped. He isn’t sure what to say, but he wants her to know that he’s glad she chose him. 

“I still wouldn’t stop for a beer.”

“I know. And I still wouldn’t stop for red lights. You know that right? --- This whole time, even while working for Russell, if something had happened to you, I’d have been there for you, nothing could have stopped me.”

“I know I haven’t been a great boss. And I know that I haven’t always shown it, but I wouldn’t stop for red lights either.”

“You already proved that.”

“How?”

“You were in Germany when I woke up. I didn’t understand it at the time, but eventually I did the math. For you to be there that quickly, you must have left the US right after you heard about the bombing.”

“Yeah. Less than a hour. I went straight from the West Wing to the airport and booked a direct flight.”

“I don’t think I ever said thank you.”

“There were a lot of things neither of us said after that.”

“Maybe it’s about time we did.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

FIN.

**Author's Note:**

> Take Action!
> 
> https://EmilysList.org


End file.
